June 1, 2022

5 Tips for Discussing Your Preferences in the Bedroom

There is no script for how to talk about sex with your partner. Communication about sex is not often taught, so it requires practice. The safer a relationship feels, the easier it can be to talk about sexual preferences. Exploration with your partner can be fun, but it requires trust. Below are a few tips to communicate your sexual interests with your partner:

  1. Be honest with yourself about your needs. It is important that you accept your own preferences without self-judgment before you discuss them with your partner.
  2. Approach the conversation with emotional honesty. For example, you could say, ‘this is something I would like to explore with you, but I am worried that you will think it is strange’. Being upfront about your feelings can reduce miscommunication once the conversation begins.
  3. Focus on personal statements. Instead of bringing up things your partner doesn’t do to satisfy you, talk about the things they can do to enhance your sexual experience.
  4. Ask your partner what they want! It takes courage to ask for what you want. If you are able to do it yourself, encourage your partner to do the same.
  5. Try to have fun with the conversation. Explore the ways this could improve your sexual experiences and build off of one another’s interests. This is a collaborative effort where both partners want to enjoy themselves and have the other feel the same.

It is important to note that communication about sex can be even more complicated with LGBTQIA relationships. This stems from the lack of basic education surrounding non-heterosexual sex in schools. When kids learn about sex, they are taught about safety, sexual health, and the mechanics of normative, heterosexual sex. Being taught through the lens of heteronormative relationships can put LGBTQIA people at a disadvantage when developing understanding and communication skills about sex.

The more we speak about our sexual preferences, the more comfortable we become in them. As partners, we should all work on being accepting of various sexual preferences. Creating a comfortable sexual environment will increase intimacy with your partner and allow a freedom in expressing your sexual interests.

Written by Jessy Pucker LMSW

Photo Cred: Canva

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